MY BUBBLE OF THOUGHTS

Bismillah hir Rahmanir Raheem –In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, most Merciful

Assalam Alaikum, peace be on you all who are reading this post and those who are not. My name is Andale Seaworne, I am an 18 year old Muslim girl living in Pakistan….sorry that’s not my actual name which I’m keeping anonymous. But I can tell you is that it is unique, just like this made up name as far as I know. If you’re really curious as to this made-up name, I made it up when I was eight years old inspired by Hannah Montana (I know right, Disney Channel was my jam then and it still is 😝 ) so like Miley, an average girl at one place then a teen pop sensation the next, Andale Seaworne was my superstar title 😁 P.S I have no idea how i came up with that name.

I recently developed an urge to start writing blogs and sharing my thoughts due to my friends and peers. Nowadays, it’s becoming really common for people to share their thoughts, feelings, experiences and emotions through their writing, singing, poetry, public speaking and debates, etc. For a while, I was a really quiet person, only talking when I felt like it or when I was with my family or with my best friends. I wasn’t exactly lonely or sad but I wasn’t comfortable opening up to just anyone and, being an Air Force Brat, that would happen very often. But as time progresses, we adapt to our surroundings and adjust to our current everchanging situations. I became friendly to everyone I met, eventhough I would probably not see them in a long time or never at all. When i had to visit a family I had no idea how I was related to or when they visited me, I tried to prevent awkward silences happening because that would make me feel more awkward (however, trying to prevent the silences was awkward on its own 😂 ) I think I’m straying from the point. So before, I prevented for taking part in or doing tasks that included me to talk to a large crowd of people or during a family discussion because I would have so much on my mind but as soon as I started speaking, words would come out sounding like “Bleehh…” I know, weird. It was difficult to convey what I wanted to convey the way I wanted to convey because my mind suddenly moves slower than my tongue… literally because I tend to talk really fast which causes people to just stare at me blankly and tell me to repeat what I said.

But now I’m trying to control the speed of my tongue and properly think what I have to say before it becomes another awkward “Bleehh” moment. I tried debating by attending an event in the summer vacations in Islamabad last year, 2016. I prepared so hard for it, I was given the political party and personality I was assigned to and I spent days and days gathering all the information I needed. I compiled notes, had them printed out and revised them many times. But debating is hard. You need a LOT of knowledge about current events, and during the debate, when the chairperson asked me to speak, I didn’t utter a “Bleehh”……in fact I didn’t utter a word at all. And the experience was so embarassing and terrifying. The chairperson kept on telling me to speak but I just wanted to run away from there. But I didn’t because my parents didn’t create a child who would crumble under pressure and give up. I continued on, took the mistake I made of still not trying hard enough as a lesson and bore it till the next final day. A big joke was made out of that by my family and my friends’ families. But it was alright. I laughed too. But Mama was glad that I actually did something and I had the guts to actually be in the debating room in the first place wheread alot of my friends paid just to hang out like it was just a social event and their families were not pleased by it. Since the event was related to politics, which I have no interest in and do not understand, I decided to improve my speaking skills elsewhere.

I’m currently studying in AS Level and in the school I am studying in, students are known to be great debaters here. There was an MUN camp which I signed up for but I received no further contact or information about it. I kept on asking my coordinator when it was  going to take place but he was not aware of it. In the end, MUN passed by like a leaf blowing through the wind and my chance of improving my vocal skills disappeared. I focused on sports, basketball especially, and social work in the first term of my AS Level. By the time the sports events finished and I decided to search further about debate camps, I found out all debating events had passed and English debating camp was closed for the term and Urdu debating camp was on for a while but then it stopped as well. They would start commencing from A Level.

So I thought maybe not now. For everything will happen in the time that it is fixed upon to happen. So i decided to write. It’s easier than speaking, words can take their time to flow from your mind and reach ur fingertips on the pen or keyboard. I wrote an science-fictional essay for an international essay writing competition. I sent it to a teacher to be checked. She said it wasn’t original and it needed some work so I still have time to work on that. So now, I’m trying to improve my vocal skills and ability to express myself openly. It will take time to feel comfortable doing it but Inshallah it will be beneficial. Thus, I have started writing.

I used to write about my life in my bundles of diaries from when I was eight to fourteen. I wrote about all the major things that happened in my life and it felt great reading them afterwards. You guys should try it sometimes. It’s really interesting seeing how much you grow as the years pass, how what you write and the way you write it changes. And suddenly the context of your life changes once you reach the midteens when you are showered with responsibilities, questions, decisions and thinking about the meaning of life. That point was when I was sixteen years old. Too bad I couldn’t write till that as I became caught up in my life. You have to spare a lot of time for writing diaries if you want all the important details of your life mentioned. But I would be occasionally busy so I stopped writing.

A few days ago, I started searching for sites to blog and WordPress came up as the more suitable option than the rest. I’m just getting the hang of it and I’m not sure as to the limit to which I can express myself. I may blog here as if it’s my diary but mainly I’ll express my thoughts about certain things, the good, the bad, the exciting, the annoying. In other words, about the bumpy road that lies beyond to all of us and how we are blessed to atleast have a road to follow, Alhamdulillah. I currently have exams so I may not start writing regularly now and Ramazan will come after the final exams so I perhaps will not write then either. But I have a mission to complete which I will try my best to do. Your responses would be highly appreciated. Thank you all for reading this long introductory post about my bubble of thoughts. Thoughts that are contained now but will eventually burst to be heard.

Allah Hafiz 😊