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Poetry Psychology

BUBBLE 29 – A CONVERSATION WITH MY ANXIETY

Bismillah Hir Rahman Ir Raheem

*My speech is written in regular font, whereas the anxiety’s speech is written in bold and italic font.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I’ve given it my all to prepare for this exam. I bet I’ll do great

How can you do ‘great’? If you prepared really well, you should’ve been the top of the class. But you won’t be. You’ll never be

I will. I have faith

_

I had the guts to get up on stage and deliver a speech in front of the entire school

Yeah, like anyone was listening. Don’t forget, your tone was monotonous and you may not have noticed but they were laughing at you in their heads

Hmm, if that’s so, maybe I’m not cut out for this

_

I’m singing in the choir for the annual function

With your voice drained by the sound of other voices with more potential than yours. Your voice cracks when you were singing alone

Really? I guess I’d better keep my voice low to not disrupt the choir

_

Why can’t he understand that I don’t feel the same way about him? I’m not that kind of person and my answer is no.

You can’t end a friendship like that just because some feelings got in the way. You’ll be the one to blame if this ends. I promise to give you company throughout the 2-3 months & free panic attacks till this gets sorted out

Okay. I’ll do my best to maintain this friendship, even if you’re always there to ruin my every wakeful moment with worry and guilt. I’ll never forgive myself otherwise

That’s the spirit! It’s best if your life crumbles rather than anyone elses

_

I thought they were my friends. They’ve behaved like that for so long. Then suddenly………….what happened?

You happened. You’re the same now as you always were: a nerd, naive, stupid, idiot, loser. Kudos to you for finding out.

You’re right. There’s something wrong with me. It’s my fault. Will I be alone like this forever?

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

_

I’m refereeing chest matches on the first day of the sports event. It feels exciting and is going great

Exciting? EXCITING??!! You read the rule book a few days ago! You played a match a few days ago. You haven’t played chess in years because you’re not good at it. You know nothing about chess. Look at that, a false move; and she pressed the timer. WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HER?!!

Stop it! Shut up! I’m trying to concentrate. I’m starving and I can’t focus because of you. Leave me alone!

Are you gonna keep arguing with me and ignore the three fouls that just took place right in front of you? Since you’ve decided to so blatantly ignore me, this should teach you……..panic attack in 3, 2, 1……….

No, please. Don’t embarass me. Not now……………..

_

My basketball team is ready, I’m pumped. Let’s get this game on!

Yeah right, about that. I kind of wiggled about inside your brain and made sure most of your nerve supply goes to making butterflies in your belly, instead of your legs

What? Not now! I need to play. We need to win!

Occupational hazard. It’s nothing personal. I’ll comfort you by making you think you didn’t eat much or didn’t have a proper warm up. A panic attack and some tears for sympathy won’t hurt either

_

What the…..oh sorry. I thought you were calling me a tubelight. Like I’m dumb or something

Oh no, that wasn’t me. That was your family making fun of your dumb statements and inability to understand clearly what someone says the first time. Don’t worry. I’ll call you that 24/7 so you don’t forget what you are

_

I lost a basketball match 7-0. I had so many attempts to score but the ball wouldn’t go in the basket. I feel awful

Don’t be surprised. You tend to act foolish during an important match. Your friends will probably stand on your head, comforting you, and telling you that you worked harder than anyone. But in the end you listen to me, okay?

Okay

_

I finally have an opportunity to sign up as a director in a social work society in college. I finally have the guts, skills and confidence to make a difference

Are you even listening to the words that come out of your mouth? You have no experience. You’ve barely lived in this city for a year. You don’t have body language directors possess. How will you start your work? Where will you start? Do you really think people will listen to you?!

Enough! How about I do nothing special, crazy, risky, new or interesting and just live a boring, meaningless life?

You finally understand me

But why? Why are you so cruel? Why are you so adamant in not letting me live a good, happy life?

Because I am your most loyal friend. I know what’s best for you and I know that’s not what you deserve

Because that’s who I am

.

.

.

…………….. because that’s who you are

The Weeping Woman, 1937 by Pablo Picasso.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Related blog post:

BUBBLE 11:MY EXHAUSTIVE AND CONFUSING ANXIETY

By Andale Seaworne

21. Pakistani. Muslim. People call me tubelight. Life is a roller coaster life but if you focus on the ups in life and have faith, life will be beautiful
Thoughts about things happening in everyday life stored in bubbles, waiting for the right time to burst out 😊
Loves McFlurry, Cheese and every food except green chilli, yoghurt, wasabi and humus 😎
Loves books and learning new things
Basketball girl 🏀
Helping out those in need
Holding no expectations, making no comparisons. We are all people of many colours. Accept us for who we are without labels

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